VACATIONS: PETS, PLANTS, AND PARENTING

  WANTED:   ONE PET SITTER FOR EXTRAORDINARY ANIMALS

 

The other day at bridge my partner asked if I knew of someone who might pet sit for her friend.  She proceeds to read her friend’s list. (indicated with an *)   I was thinking of volunteering until I listened to  the list as she read it aloud and realized  her friend’s  pets were her kids…I thought of how I treated  mine–kids,  not cats.

 

THE CATS

cat on phone

 

(Was she talking  pets or kids?

 Two here: one male and one female…kids that is.)

 

*  Make sure they always have water in their water bowl.

 

(Well, yeah  or at least juice in their glass.  )

 

MORNING FEEDING 

black cat licking

 

* Make sure the cats are separated during feeding!

 

(Across the table was not always far enough/

for the kids that is.)

 

* Feed 1 1/2 spoon fulls of wet food into one side of both cat dishes.

 

(How come  she gets a big orange and I have a small apple?

It’s not fair!)

 

(Suck it up kid, the quicker you learn that

the easier life is.)

 

* On the other side of the cats’ dishes, put a little bit less than a fourth of a cup of dry food.

 

(He always gets more than me!)

 

CAT DINNER

 

* Use the same amount of wet food for each cat as they have in the morning and a

full 1/4 cup of dry food.

Dinner should always be bigger than breakfast.

 

 

(Hey, how come this casserole is bigger than it was last night…I’d tried to camouflage it…

You know how we hate it!)

 

CATS AT PLAY

 

*  Make sure, Oreo in particular,  has his collar on before going outside.

 

(I said you were going to wear that scarf…no ifs ands or buts) 

 

 

cat grass“You just try to get me to come in”

*Keep track of how long they are outside.

 

(You’re kidding, of course.)

 

*Always be alert for meows at the doors so you can let them in right away. 

 

(Not unless they wipe their feet, I just scrubbed this floor.)

 

*About every half an hour or so, just check on the cats and see where they are.

(In your dreams, lady!)

 

* If one cat is acting abnormally (outside or just in general) call Mom or me.

(“What’s ABNORMALLY?  Where in the  *&^!@  blankety blank

did I put that phone number?)

 

BEHAVIOR

 

 

* Make sure the cats aren’t behaving badly.

 

(You sass me one more time, Kid, and you’re  going to bed without dinner!)

 

 

* If they are on the counter,  yell, clap, run towards them so they will stop this behavior.

 

 

cat counter

(Maybe with cats, not with kids…I even threw bowling pins at them,

plastic…no child abuse penalty, please, but to no avail.)

 

* If the cats are play fighting, make sure (especially Oreo) that

they aren’t being too aggressive.

 

(Did you hear that,  Jeff, stop choking your sister!)

 

*  If  they are being overly aggressive, do not try to get involved into the fight physically,

just try to split them up by clapping, stomping, and yelling firmly.

 

(Didn’t work, lady, the neighbors complained.)

 

* If the cats are scratching the furniture, yell, clap, stomp, run

towards them to get them to stop.

  Put the scratching post near where they are mostly scratching.

 

(Lady, all this yelling, clapping and stomping is arousing the neighborhood.

Where is that scratching post?)

 

* Make sure, when it’s not feeding time, (especially when you leave) no cat-accessible food is laying around because if they eat it, they might get sick.

 

    (Laying around?  You’re kidding, they know every hiding place

in this house.

Sick?  No sympathy.)

 

LITTER BOX

* Check on the litter box and clean it out every other day.

(Litter?  Did you say LITTER?  Every other day?  I wouldn’t be able to find the floor.)

 

  • * Wash hands afterwords.

  • ***DO NOT FORGET TO DO THIS!!!

  • (Sorry, lady, but I don’t think I can handle this job…)

(Part 2  on the drawing board)

 

 

 

 

        

 

    

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