Posts tagged: suicide

SUICIDE: A CRY FROM A SUFFERING SOUL

Book with gold award       EXCERPT FROM “CHRONICLES”

(Journals of a young girl suffering from BPD written by mother, Pat Engebrecht)

See web page:   http://www.patengebrecht.com

         Chapter Twenty-seven,  page 168

 

And so the years slipped by.  We had wonderful, normal moments in all the struggle–the changing of medications, doctors, diagnosis, institutions.  You were valiant in your determination:  working with L&L, at Wegmans, teaching tennis.  Your questions went unanswered as you suffered.

“Sometimes I feel that whatever seems to be ailing me is as terminal as seriously malignant cancer.  But when a cancer patient dies after years of pain, struggle, chemotherapy and whatever else, they get a gold star for their valiant efforts.

 

   

“Here I’ve been struggling for 8 years nearly, had my own pains, emotional and physical, been in intense therapy and to special hospitals but if this kills me (meaningimage001 I give in and kill myself) there will be far from “gold” stars.  It will be anger, hate, disappointment.  I will have “failed” in everyone’s eyes except perhaps Bernie and Char.  Hell!  I don’t expect sympathy or three cheers, but I hardly deserve condemnation for my efforts.  Whatever the outcome I gave my all.  Isn’t that worth something, world…God?  Isn’t it?!  Please…

 

 

LIFE AFTER DEATH

NATURAL GARDERN

COMMEMORATION 

By Pat Engebrecht

In the early morning hours

When the sun’s rays are low

 Slanting through the bower

  Reflecting dawn’s golden glow.

I think of you.

In the quiet awakening of the day

I sit  on the garden bench

Alone with you in my special way

Of remembering.  I feel your presence

In my heart. 

 The spider’s weaving of the night

Catches dew in gossamer threads

Reflecting in those early rays

The sight of you.  Our love spreads

Warming  me through and through.

Life’s promises we shared

The Laughter and the tears.

These memories

Grow sweeter with the passing years

    As you live in the garden of my heart. 

THE COMING OF AGE

 

LJ baby Sedona

 

The Coming of Age

By

LauraJo Engebrecht

 

Where is the child

Who by the Sea

Was swept away

With beauty,

Immeasurably captured

In tiny hands

Held only as time

Holds the wind swept sands.

Like clockwork the ebbing tide

Shrinks the eyes open wide,

Causing countless treasures to fall

By the wayside.

Grey as the dawn on a misty morn,

Alone and naked the truth is born.

 

 

When Love Is Not Enough  Chronicles of LauraJo (https://www.createspace.com/3605803) tells her story in her own words of her journey battling BPD for ten years which  finally culminated in her suicide death in 1987.

 

 

 

 

 

Chronicles of LauraJo

Pat's front cover II

EXCERPT FROM KIRKUS REVIEW

“TRAGIC” hardly begins to describe the heartbreak of LauraJo’s struggle with borderline personality disorder, which her mother documents with the help of LauraJo’s journal entries, poetry and sketches…This book reveals an extraordinarily talented individual who waged an epic strugle and, in her own way, won–for a time.

Although LauraJo (LJ) has been dead for some twenty-five plus years, I bselieve Chronicles is the book she intended to write…to thank all those who reached out to her in her struggles and to let fellow sufferers know that there is so much love and joy in between the dark storms of pain, doubt and fear that the rainbows and sunlight are well worth fighting for.  (author, Pat Engebrecht)

 

Web page:  www.patengebrecht.com  Pat’s Publishing,  wwwpatsblogminnysmusings.com   Pat’s Publishing

LJ baby Sedona

 

 

 

LJ, Sedona, Arizona  (18 months)

children 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Growing up with brothers, Kurt and Jeff

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Camping was a way of life.

 

 

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Rochester, New York.  LJ with the infamous Bobby Riggs who played in the TV extravaganza against Billy Jean King in the Battle of the Sexes…Billy Jean won.  Tennis was her world.

 

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LJ off to college to the University of Arizona where she played #1 Singles on a full scholarship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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