Posts tagged: pain


Book with gold award       EXCERPT FROM “CHRONICLES”

(Journals of a young girl suffering from BPD written by mother, Pat Engebrecht)

See web page:

         Chapter Twenty-seven,  page 168


And so the years slipped by.  We had wonderful, normal moments in all the struggle–the changing of medications, doctors, diagnosis, institutions.  You were valiant in your determination:  working with L&L, at Wegmans, teaching tennis.  Your questions went unanswered as you suffered.

“Sometimes I feel that whatever seems to be ailing me is as terminal as seriously malignant cancer.  But when a cancer patient dies after years of pain, struggle, chemotherapy and whatever else, they get a gold star for their valiant efforts.



“Here I’ve been struggling for 8 years nearly, had my own pains, emotional and physical, been in intense therapy and to special hospitals but if this kills me (meaningimage001 I give in and kill myself) there will be far from “gold” stars.  It will be anger, hate, disappointment.  I will have “failed” in everyone’s eyes except perhaps Bernie and Char.  Hell!  I don’t expect sympathy or three cheers, but I hardly deserve condemnation for my efforts.  Whatever the outcome I gave my all.  Isn’t that worth something, world…God?  Isn’t it?!  Please…





Pat Engebrecht

Becoming a “Mother” born of pain
A life becomes… promises of immortality?
Some dedicate their life
To the breath of a love beyond the self.
Their role to love, nurture and protect.

I reflect.

Is the child a being of its own,
Or is it of its mother’s molding?
Is the man or woman they become
Being chiseled from life by their own hand?

The Mother forever changed by the pain of birth
Where does she find her worth?
Does the measure of  failure or success
Forever rest
In the child’s becoming?

Is a Mother born, the death of a
Woman of her own or has she become

A Goddess in Creation?

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