Posts tagged: condemn

SUICIDE: A CRY FROM A SUFFERING SOUL

Book with gold award       EXCERPT FROM “CHRONICLES”

(Journals of a young girl suffering from BPD written by mother, Pat Engebrecht)

See web page:   http://www.patengebrecht.com

         Chapter Twenty-seven,  page 168

 

And so the years slipped by.  We had wonderful, normal moments in all the struggle–the changing of medications, doctors, diagnosis, institutions.  You were valiant in your determination:  working with L&L, at Wegmans, teaching tennis.  Your questions went unanswered as you suffered.

“Sometimes I feel that whatever seems to be ailing me is as terminal as seriously malignant cancer.  But when a cancer patient dies after years of pain, struggle, chemotherapy and whatever else, they get a gold star for their valiant efforts.

 

   

“Here I’ve been struggling for 8 years nearly, had my own pains, emotional and physical, been in intense therapy and to special hospitals but if this kills me (meaningimage001 I give in and kill myself) there will be far from “gold” stars.  It will be anger, hate, disappointment.  I will have “failed” in everyone’s eyes except perhaps Bernie and Char.  Hell!  I don’t expect sympathy or three cheers, but I hardly deserve condemnation for my efforts.  Whatever the outcome I gave my all.  Isn’t that worth something, world…God?  Isn’t it?!  Please…

 

 

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