Posts tagged: BPD

SUICIDE: A CRY FROM A SUFFERING SOUL

Book with gold award       EXCERPT FROM “CHRONICLES”

(Journals of a young girl suffering from BPD written by mother, Pat Engebrecht)

See web page:   http://www.patengebrecht.com

         Chapter Twenty-seven,  page 168

 

And so the years slipped by.  We had wonderful, normal moments in all the struggle–the changing of medications, doctors, diagnosis, institutions.  You were valiant in your determination:  working with L&L, at Wegmans, teaching tennis.  Your questions went unanswered as you suffered.

“Sometimes I feel that whatever seems to be ailing me is as terminal as seriously malignant cancer.  But when a cancer patient dies after years of pain, struggle, chemotherapy and whatever else, they get a gold star for their valiant efforts.

 

   

“Here I’ve been struggling for 8 years nearly, had my own pains, emotional and physical, been in intense therapy and to special hospitals but if this kills me (meaningimage001 I give in and kill myself) there will be far from “gold” stars.  It will be anger, hate, disappointment.  I will have “failed” in everyone’s eyes except perhaps Bernie and Char.  Hell!  I don’t expect sympathy or three cheers, but I hardly deserve condemnation for my efforts.  Whatever the outcome I gave my all.  Isn’t that worth something, world…God?  Isn’t it?!  Please…

 

 

THE COMING OF AGE

 

LJ baby Sedona

 

The Coming of Age

By

LauraJo Engebrecht

 

Where is the child

Who by the Sea

Was swept away

With beauty,

Immeasurably captured

In tiny hands

Held only as time

Holds the wind swept sands.

Like clockwork the ebbing tide

Shrinks the eyes open wide,

Causing countless treasures to fall

By the wayside.

Grey as the dawn on a misty morn,

Alone and naked the truth is born.

 

 

When Love Is Not Enough  Chronicles of LauraJo (https://www.createspace.com/3605803) tells her story in her own words of her journey battling BPD for ten years which  finally culminated in her suicide death in 1987.

 

 

 

 

 

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